by Sean Redmond


Relationships are the very fabric of life. ‘No man is an island’ and we’re all in relationship to people, things and situations all the time. The obvious area of relationships is interpersonal relationships, whether that’s with a husband/wife/partner, other family members, friends or work colleagues, but we can also be in relationship with a group or organisation – for example, an employer, a sports team, a religious organisation, or perhaps men, women or another group in general. We can also have relationships with things, such as food, a pet, our work or the environment, and we even have relationships with aspects of our own selves, such as our ‘inner child’ or ‘inner critic’.


MEM can be used to address any type of relationship issue, past or present, that has adversely affected you or any aspect of relationships that you feel is negative or difficult for you. MEM can also help you to identify relationship patterns – for example, if you find yourself repeatedly drawn to partners who exhibit a particular negative trait. This can often be an indication that there’s an unresolved emotional pattern or unmet emotional need within you that needs to be addressed in order to enable you to break the cycle and become free to choose your relationships consciously rather than being driven by unconscious negative programming or conditioning.


When someone really bugs us or gets our back up, we sometimes say they ‘push our buttons’. They trigger an unconscious/uncontrollable emotional reaction in us and we can feel like we’ve been possessed by an unseen force or taken over by a completely different version of ourselves, often one that we find quite terrifying when we reflect on our reaction. In these situations we’re not in sufficient control of ourselves (we’ve literally lost our self-control) and our emotional reactions are disproportionate to the facts of a situation. Such extreme emotional reactions can sometimes also lead to negative physical consequences, such as aggressive or violent behaviour.


Most of us have been in situations where even a small innocent comment, act or omission by a partner or friend can throw us into a fiery rage or even a deep sadness. In cases like this we can be sure that something in our own psychological makeup has been triggered. Although it looks like it’s the other person causing us to ‘fly off the handle’, it’s actually an aspect of our own personality that’s reacting to the other person’s behaviour – some unresolved issue, negative programming or conditioning within ourselves – so this is what needs to be the primary focus of any approach to healing or change. We project onto other people the parts of ourselves that we’re resisting or denying or that are simply too painful to acknowledge. We can’t accept them as part of us so we pin them onto someone else instead as a way of avoiding both the pain and the responsibility of facing them. This isn’t to say that all relationship problems are down to one person alone though, because relationship is a two-way process and the other person is just as much a part of the dynamic.


When we’re in a relationship where the other person is continually pushing our buttons (and perhaps we push theirs too, in a perpetual vicious circle) we’re unable to have a truly open and authentic relationship with them. It’s like our old unhealed emotional wounds are constantly having salt rubbed into them, causing us to re-experience all the pain that gave rise to them in the first place, and then we become defensive in order to protect ourselves against this pain. When we perceive things through the ‘lenses’ of our programming and conditioning we’re unable to see things clearly because our perceptions are clouded. It’s like viewing the other person through tinted glasses – who they really are is distorted by our own negative programming. A MEM session enables you to remove those glasses, see things as they really are and experience a greater clarity, openness and authenticity in your relationships with others.


MEM isn’t about turning people into cold, emotionless robots or denying our emotions. We still need to feel our emotions but the difference is that we’re no longer at their mercy. We have our emotions rather than our emotions having us. They can come and go appropriately according to the truth of a situation in the present moment rather than according to programming and conditioning buried in our unconscious from emotional wounds that we suffered in the past. We can experience our emotions in an aware, intimate way without going to the extremes of either being taken over by them or being overly detached from them. We’re not in healthy relationship with our emotions if we’re either completely at their mercy or we don’t feel them at all. A healthy relationship with them requires an ability to allow, own and experience all emotions that arise in our life, without judging or invalidating them, yet without becoming so identified with them or subsumed by them that we act them out uncontrollably and inappropriately, hurting others and ourselves in the process.


We can’t change other people directly but we can change how we respond to them and perceive them, and we can then find that once we’ve addressed those aspects of us that the other person used to trigger, their attitude toward us changes as they subconsciously sense our change of attitude toward them. In our interactions with others we pick up on subtle non-verbal signals and if we change the ‘vibrations’ that we give out toward someone, they’ll subconsciously recognise this and a more harmonious relationship can result. We might still not especially like the person, or we might decide we no longer want them to be part of our lives, but they’ll no longer trigger us as they once did. Their problem is still their problem but it’s no longer our problem as well because we’ve removed the buttons that they used to press and so we’re able to respond to the person in a controlled way rather than reacting uncontrollably.


The importance of relationships can’t be understated and this is why it’s an area where MEM can be used to great advantage.



Copyright © Sean Redmond . July 2014 / All Rights Reserved


For further information about MEM Counsellor Sean Redmond please visit www.memhealing.com
or email info@memhealing.com


For further information about John Mace and The Mace Energy Method - MEM please visit:


John Mace at www.maceenergymethod.com.au


International MEM Website at www.maceenergymethod.com


International Association Of Causism™ Practitioners - IACP at http://theiacp.weebly.com



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Used by trained MEM Counsellors around the world, the Mace Energy Method is a powerful tool used for emotional healing that is having remarkable effects on peoples lives. It does not involve any self-disclosure and requires only few therapy sessions, which can even be carried out over skype or the telephone..


The Mace Energy Method is a professionally endorsed / recognised complementary therapy by:IICTProfessional Member #0407092873



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